One Idiots Opinion #5

Where I basically check out some of this weeks comic and nerd related news and give my totally uninformed opinion all nice and ready for the rest of the online world to tear to pieces.

So this week….

Chris Evans to play Captain America?
No, not the ginger f***er, the one from Push!
Personally I’m not too sure about this, mainly due to his playing Johnny Storm in the Fantastic Four movies. Dont get me wrong, I thought he was good in these and also thought the movies themselves were a lot better, or at least a hell of a lot more fun, than the general nerd concensus. But for some reason his playing another Marvel character so soon doesn’t sit well with me. And Captain America? I dunno. Chris Evans doesnt say “World War II hero” to me. He seems a bit too pretty boy to pull it off. Bit young as well, though of course they are thinking of a three movie, nine year deal so want someone who can still cut it for the third outing.
But hell, lets give the guy a chance. I’ve never seen him in anything that would require him to have a bit of weight or authority to his character so am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt till I at least see a trailer.

John Malkovich joins Transformers 3
Ok, I’m gonna use this news as an excuse for a Transformers Movie rant. It seems to me there are 3 types of people who go to see the Transformers movies and I’d like to address each type in turn.

Firstly you have people like me. They go to see it for a bit of mindless fun. Shit blows up, Megan Fox bends over a few times in tight jean shorts, big robots punch each other. You switch off your brain for 2 hours and treat it as having all the emotional depth of a rollercoaster and just enjoy the ride. Good for you, people like me. You rock. Some days you want a movie that challenges you, some days you just want popcorn crap.

Secondly you have people who for some unknown reason go to see these films then complain the plot was lacking or “it was all mindless action”. Um…what did you expect?
Its a Michael Bay movie. Its based on a line of frigging kids toys. The trailer leaves no doubt as to what its about. And with the second movie… ITS WAS THE SECOND MOVIE! DID YOU NOT SEE THE FIRST? I say this of course as when the third one comes out the same people who bitched about 1 and 2 will pop up to bitch about 3. If I moaned about how crap “Devil Wears Prada 2 : The Pregnancy” was would you feel sympathy or just think “Well I can see how his wife made him watch the first one, but knowing he hated that why did the idiot sit through a sequel?”
I wonder with these people if they ever watch porn when their mum isnt looking then go online to complain about how unbelievable the story was.
“I mean, half way through the scene another girl just walked into the room and joined in! What was her motivation? It made no sense! They didnt even explain who she was! LAME! FAIL!”
Seriously, thats what Bay does. He makes action porn. If you can’t enjoy that, dont go to his movies.

And thirdly, you get my favourites. Those who claim the movie somehow compromises the integrity of the cartoons and rip Bay for doing that which your certain streak of nerd hates more than anything else… making their little clique thing popular to a wider audience. Look, if you like the cartoons cool. But rose tinted glasses aside they arent exactly Shawshank Redemption are they? I mean, I like a 20 minute, poorly animated, repetitive toy advert as much as the next guy, but still.
You gotta love someone who’ll bitch for hours about Optimus Prime having a different paint job but happily accept that in the cartoon his trailer simply vanishes. Oh, sorry, I meant he stores it in SUBSPACE! My bad. We even wont mention how the big bad guy turns into a little gun and needs one of his minions to finger his action.

Ok, thats probably pissed off enough people. So lets end with a nice Megan Fox Transformers 2 pic, just for the Strangers in Paradise fans. Next time you’re bigging up your boring soap opera book (I read the first omnibus.. yaawn) and pulling out the “I like it because it draws women how they look in real life, not like in Superhero comics” line, I’d like you to look at this pic. See? There are real women out there built like comic characters. Dont complain just because you aren’t one of them. I aint built like Batman, I dont bitch because they dont draw him with a beer gut.

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One comment

  1. Aw, poor redheads.

    I don’t agree that people who complain about Michael Bay’s Transformers are totally wrong for hating the movies. I don’t like that they take it as far as saying that their childhood was raped, but is it too much to ask that a teensy more competent script be written? I’m not looking for an Oscar-worthy screenplay, but can we get less groan-inducing dialogue and plot?

    Just because a movie is about transforming robots doesn’t mean it can only be written simplistically.

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