Watch Out! Mind Leeches! #4 “Bizarro”


By Keith W. Cunningham’s Evil Twin

An Open Rant to Keith W. Cunningham (“Reality Prime”) from the Party of Keith W. Cunningham (“Reality B”):


Recording Date April 1st, 2008, Subspace Understrata Marker B.643


Who’s laughing now?


Allow me to give you a hint.  NOT YOU!  That’s who.  Me!  It is I who is the one to laugh in this instance.


The sheer arrogance that you’ve shown, my clean-shaven counterpart, is unfathomable.  Daring to create a dimensional gateway of nearly exactly the same design as the one which I built in my own reality!  The only difference was the lack of facial hair on the stenciled image of ourselves on the main chassis of the device.  Clearly a goateed dimensional gateway is a BETTER dimensional gateway.  Clearly I managed to work out the final mathematics of omni-reality travel last Tuesday due to my cat (also suitably bearded) having turned left away from her food dish instead of towards it (right).  Clearly a case of copyright infringement!


Not so clear though if you ask the courts.  Not only do the courts in your reality (which you have the audacity to have named Reality Prime) not recognize patents across multiple space-time continuums, but in my own, and in all of the subsequent worlds that I have visited (although I could have sworn that the Supreme Court in the world of Squid Keith was bending to my way of thinking).


You really left me no choice.  Of course you must see this now as you lie there, helpless at my feet.  How is the view of my boot?  You’ll be shining those later with your vile tongue fit to only spew lies. 


Oh, no, don’t bother to struggle against the ropes.  I am quite skilled at tying knots through my training in the Boy Scouts.  Oh, you didn’t attend?  Bet you wish that you’d eaten Corn Pops for breakfast the morning of that school assembly, as I had the foresight to do.


No, my friend – I say friend as I cannot stomach the thought of calling you “brother” – I think you’ll find that I have won the day.  Now I think I shall go out into your world, seduce your girlfriend, and let her know the pleasures of a real Keith.  A better Keith!  A bearded Keith!




Keith W. Cunningham’s evil twin is a writer, filmmaker, podcaster, and mad scientist from a parallel version of Pennsylvania.  He doesn’t think you should read as that is the website of a vile doppelganger.

He has a glorious goatee. 

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